February 2012
94 posts
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my dad tells this story where he was a kid and all of his kid friends were jumping off the basement stairs to see who could jump furthest
and his little brother ken jumped off, but his head hit the overhang on the ceiling
and the dog was so excited that it hyperventilated and puked everywhere
and one of my dad’s friends said OH MY GOD KENNY YOUR BRAINS ARE FALLING OUT
this is a story of...
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corona—graminea replied to your post: if you don’t have a soft spot for kelly clarkson u…
She’s a Ron Paul supporter though
that’s perfect
she’ll be my token republican imaginary friend and we’ll “agree to disagree” and i’ll roll my eyes when she talks about lowering taxes and we’ll eat white cheddar cheez-its together and she’ll talk...
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if you don’t have a soft spot for kelly clarkson u r not human
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always a good party when someone leaves without shoes and best friend gets a text that just says “thought we”
so full of possibility
“thought we”
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i would like to use this space to issue a formal apology to anyone who has ever had to ride in a car i was driving
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hi how do i unsick myself?
and does it involve getting drunk?
also i’m wearing kind of a sassy janitor outfit today and i don’t know why
like i will make your bed and tell you you should kick that boy to the curb
ok so tell me how to stop getting sick and then someday i’ll do that for you
good trade
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wizardwaffles replied to your post: the roommate just told me that she’s been taking…
wtf can’t she just eat some fruit i mean vitamin c = cold protector
haha no that would be LOGICAL and the roommate is a logic vortex with bangs
littlelebowski asked: i keep thinking your url is beyonce and its tripping me the fuck out
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the roommate just told me that she’s been taking dayquil every day this semester so she wouldn’t get sick?????
concerned
concerned for her
concerned for the history of the human race
etc
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where do i find a kinda dumb jock boy to boss around
britania asked: i started to use my tumblr again so i defend my honor against cyber bullying. #startingasupportgroup #roommateswhoseroommatescyberbully #rwrcb
gwynbr asked: your posts always make me smile. :..)
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once i told my roommate that you just have to assume that there is someone out there who hates you and she was SHOCKED
it was so nice i want to live in her world
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interviewed for a job today where the women interviewing me ACTUALLY USED the phrase “the feminist lens of intersectionality”
listening to fiona apple
while reading a book called ‘the trouble with normal: sex, politics, and the ethics of queer life’
self-identifying as a lady asshole
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NETFLIX ON YO COUCH
WHAT THIS POPCORN ABOUT
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worldofhair replied to your post: gotta respect my sister for taking the no shame…
I can probably fix beds.
u rock. no talking to my sister about noise bands though.
there’s this woman who lives across the street from my parents’ house who is morbidly obese and sells tombstones for a living and only leaves through the back door
i’ve never actually seen her
but she is my hero
liveblogging bad decision making 2012
is there anything better than couples high-fiving each other???
next time i’m dating someone that’s all we’re doing
just high-fiving
over and over
forever
tumblr: the movie
bethany cosentino from best coast plays every role
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worldofhair:
everyone should listen to my friend anna’s college radio show where they play lots of songs about butts.
I know it’s my favorite.
also i discovered this gem of a lyric in nelly’s modern opus “grillz” while making sure no one said fuck in the song: “gotta bill in my mouth like i’m hillary rodham”
so it’s sort of a radio show/civics lesson
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if you were wondering how my career as a college athlete is going, i accidentally ran an extra lap in the 5k race last weekend
worldofhair asked: what the fuck anna
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yo fuck this drake-inspired “i think you look extra pretty without makeup” shit
it’s okay to think girls look pretty wearing makeup. that’s usually the fucking point.
it’s also nice to think girls look good without makeup but it’s not about to win you the fucking most-likely-to-hold-my-hair-when-i-vomit award of the century
what i’m saying here is that...
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the art of never accepting a compliment
so you’ve been complimented on something you accomplished yourself. (this does not apply to clothing.)
here are some things you can say:
“oh thanks, but really it was all because of fill-in-the-blank”
“oh thanks, but it could have been so much better if fill-in-the-blank”
“oh thanks, but it didn’t go as well as it could’ve because...
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overheard at college: “really, only intellectual women like period pieces.”
watching downton abbey doesn’t make you smart it makes you boring
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the kind of day where i saw a vanity plate that said “BE WELL” and responded “oh fuck you” out loud
that kind of day
a boy just used the phrase “we are mature adults” in a text message to me
hahahahahhahahahahhahaha
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF
tweetsfromkanye asked: the other night I ran naked into the basement and stole every patterned sock I could find in every dryer. there were two Japanese people in the basement. two Japanese people saw me naked holding fistfuls of patterned socks at five in the morning. am I proud of myself? the answer is yes.
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an essay about the false dichotomy inherent within keri hilson’s “knock you down”
dessert AND disaster motherfuckers
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you know something is wrong when j. cole demonstrates a more nuanced understanding of abortion than roughly half of u.s. congress
true life family stories: one time this guy tried to burn down our garage because of an article my dad wrote about him
which has now become my barometer for shit-talking
like if no one is burning down my garage i’m probably not trying hard enough
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hello internet
do any of you want to trade bad decisions?
i’m tired of making out with boys who dropped out of college i would like to be standing on top of moving cars/getting into fights/drinking heavily and getting terrible tattoos/cow tipping
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please stop urban farming
you are ruining my favorite creepy abandoned places where people have been murdered
moment of silence for everyone who peaked in high school
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me in any conversation i have with anyone about anything: literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally
hello every boy
please get that haircut where it is long on the top and you kind of smush it back and the sides are shaved
get that haircut
please
i’m glad we had this talk
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what’s the word for the special kind of shame that comes from someone walking in on you checking out your butt in a public bathroom?
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oh also we signed a lease with a realtor yesterday who told us he goes hunting but only with bows and arrows
then he casually picked a shotgun shell out of the seat of his car.
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quickest way to my heart is through elaborate hypothetical situations
subtitle: why i live in constant fear that i would really enjoy dungeons and dragons
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i got a job today
the economic crisis is over
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i got in an argument with a girl at dinner today about whether or not nose bleeds are gross
her argument was
“it’s natural”
my argument was
“IT’S STILL FUCKING GROSS”
(next person to tell me something is somehow better because it’s “natural” is getting popped in the face what the fuck does that even MEAN does anyone even know ok then)
worldofhair:
Who wants to come over and get drunk and watch sponge bob with me and my roommate. I’m serious this is a laugh riot.
GODDAMMIT GUYS
hobbies include pooping while people are having sex in the dorm showers and other shit like that
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googling “college bad famous people” instead of homework